Non fully-functioning adults

I fucking hate helpless people. Or maybe I should say that I hate people who act helpless. While I do understand that there are people with emotional and/or physical problems who can't do certain things, there seem to be tons of people who choose not to take care of their own shit, and manage to fool others into taking care of shit for them. Those people piss me off.

I am the first to complain about being an adult, but it doesn't make me stop being one (though I wish everyday that I could switch places with my son, and have him wipe my ass for once).

The Camry was invented for the driving-impaired

It never fails. I get onto the freeway at the butt-crack of dawn, and merge into the carpool lane...only to get stuck behind a slow-ass silver Camry. I swear, more often than not, the people who don't know how to function on the freeway are driving silver Camrys. I've had lots of people tell me, "it's because they're old", but I promise you, that's not always the case. 50 is not old.

Camry drivers are my people. If there were statistics of the race of people who buy Camrys, I'd bet my Coffee Bean privileges that at least 60% of them are Japanese. So I do feel a tiny twinge of guilt as I speed past them (at 55 mph) and give them the glare of death. But come on - passing someone at 55 mph on the freeway means they are driving like 43. YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS DRIVING IN THE FAST LANE!

Unfortunately, it doesn't only happen on the freeway. Silver Camry drivers are also known to try to merge into you, change lanes right in front of you, turn without looking, and all the other fucking things people do to piss you off on the road.

Beware the silver Camry. You'll thank me later.

Ignore the elevator button, it might push itself

People who get distracted by their cel phones and don't notice that they failed to push the elevator button are stupid. But they do make me laugh. And they also make me wonder how long they'd stand there waiting before they noticed that they never pushed the button.

In fact, people who get overly distracted by their cel phones are irritating as a whole. I just love getting stuck behind the slow-walking jackass who just cannot WAIT to announce to their friends that they're "checking in" at the third manhole cover by the crosswalk on King St. They want to be mayor, after all.

Move, bitch! Get out of my way!

Thing that piss me off

That's what I really wanted to name my blog. Of course it was taken. Why wouldn't it be? After all, the Washington Post or some other "reputable" news outlet reported that angry people were more popular on Facebook. I can attest to that - I think lots of people are friends with me just to see what kind of random rant I'm going to post today...or if I managed to zip my pants.

So I might as well tell you what pisses me off. Today, it's people who have the world's lax-est job, and cannot understand people who have actual fucking work to do. "Let's have coffee in the morning" "I can't, I have a conference call." "What? You can't make time to sit around for no reason other than crappy ass coffee at Starbucks with me since I don't have to drag my overpaid ass into the office until somewhere around 10?"

Ugh. Just....shut up. And go away.